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Published on 18th October 2018

why are ya'll picking on me?

I bolster


and retreat

I reach out, clinging through wifi to closeness with friends

I'm trying to offer, generosity to my peers

some of it stems from self-consciousness

fear that I don't offer anything

that new ones are better, smarter than me

I paint the narrative I am left out. 

But I know, believe, remind

my worth is not at stake. 

I am here



I can lean into being held

Josh writes, 

there's a joy at deep soul spaces

a ruface distance

or is it reverse?

There's a purity, 

and, want for passion

Grief with Krister, though I remain

rooted/anchored in wisdom

yes, here. 

And I wonder, 

how much do i fall in love

with love


what could life partner love feel like? 

i see much nuance in my soul to sift. 

sift me, God. 

let today, Saida and celebration

forming and filming

discussing and discerning

let me see you, God. 

I think that maybe all I ask.